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When I feel like a clockwork bomb

This is my first english post, but don't worry, a translation will help you right under the post.
Sometimes I just need a calm day, a noiseless day. Easy to say, very hard to reach!
My family situation is not so weird (my parents are divorced), but the way we deal with it is peculiar: my father is trying to rebuild his life with the help of another woman, meanwhile my mother blames herself about her failures. I think the failure depends on both of them, because both made wrong choices, took wrong decisions and so on with the clichés... Certainly the betrayal (by my father) didn't help to overcome the difficulties, but it wasn't the only problem.
My sister and I were in the middle of the storm when it blew up, and the results were: a kind of depression, panic attacks, sadness, worse performances in school and constant stress and anger.
Now my mother has the whole world on her shoulders (or so she believes), that gives her the right to complain all the day about everything she considers done badly (by my sister and I of course!).
Meanwhile my father calls us twice a week, asking for the school, the weather or anything else of a stupid chitchatting session.

I'm 29, still studying and have no short term working perspective, I'm a bit depressed, I lost my happyness and many friends during these years, but I still believe in a redemption.
I know I'm not alone, but nobody who cares me can help me, 'cause I need an external POV, a true voice that explains me the right way, not the friendly voice that says "it's not your fault!".

V'ho detto una bugia, non scriverò la traduzione di questo post. Se volete capire qualcosa di me dovrete impegnarvi un pochino, se non volete perdere tempo non mi offendo: merito sicuramente meno tempo di quello di un video di incidenti su YouTube, no?

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